Mixing Pot
by Boogum
Summary: A collection of AtLA drabbles and one-shots. Characters, pairings and genres will vary, but most will probably feature the Gaang. Chapter Six: In which Ursa and Ozai have a rather informal introduction.
1. In which Toph Offends a Hag

This was written for **Advocaat's** dare at **_Promptbending_**, which was to write a short story/draw a picture of the gaang being turned into animals. I should warn that this is meant to be silly and was written during a break, so don't expect anything too grand.

Also, if you're interested in participating in the Truth/Dare games yourself (or other prompts/challenges), you can find a link to the forum on my profile. ^_^

* * *

**In which Toph Offends a Hag**

Rule number one for how to survive while on a quest: don't offend ugly old hags, for they are likely to be spirits in disguise and will have their revenge. Unfortunately, no one ever bothered to teach Toph that rule, and she had just pissed off the mother of all ugly hags. There was spluttering, there were curses, and then Team Avatar were suddenly swallowed up in a cloud of pink glitter that choked and squeezed and made them all feel a bit strange. When the sparkly monstrosity had dispersed, the ugly hag had gone and Aang found that he was alone in the clearing. Well, apart from the baby saber-tooth moose-lion wearing Sokka's blue tunic, the grumpy looking turtle duck with the scar covering its left eye, and a small polar-bear dog with a familiar necklace hanging from its throat.

That was when Momo swooped down from the trees and started chirruping at him in a rather excited manner. Aang groaned and sat up from the ground, still feeling a little dizzy from the sparkly explosion attack. He rubbed his head, only to freeze as his fingers made contact with fur. Lots of fur and … long ears?

Heart pounding, he raced over to the stream and looked down at the mirrored surface of the water, seeing the reflection of a lemur staring back at him. A lemur with a blue arrow on its forehead and grey eyes.

"Oh, no," Aang muttered. "That hag turned me into Momo!"

Suddenly, the saber-tooth moose-lion let out a loud wail. "I have hooves! Why do I have hooves? And—and is that a tail!" Another wail. "What is going on?"

"You think you've got it bad," grumpy turtle duck retorted. "Just look at me." He lifted up one webbed foot and then sighed; the thought 'why me' was written all over his fluffy face.

The polar bear dog just covered its face with its furry paws. "This isn't happening," it—no, _she_—said in a panicky voice."This can't be happening! I refuse to believe that this is happening!"

Aang scratched his head as he stared at the three animals. "Sokka, Zuko, Katara, is that you?"

"Of course it's us!" they cried in unison.

"Okay, okay!" He held his hands up in an appeasing gesture. "I just didn't expect it, that's all. I mean, Zuko as a turtle duck? Not something you see every day."

A beaky scowl was thrown his way. Aang didn't even know how a person could scowl with a beak, but somehow Zuko managed it.

"Don't even start, lemur-face," the prince snapped. "This is humiliating enough without you rubbing it in."

"I dunno," Katara said, raising her head from her paws and observing the transformed prince with an amused glint in her eyes. "I think you look kind of cute; all fluffy and cuddly."

Zuko made a huffy noise of exasperation. "Not helping!"

Sokka walked towards them, little tail wagging quite on its own. "Look, right now we just need to figure out a way to break this curse." He paused and glanced around the clearing. "Wait a minute, where's Toph?"

Aang clamped his hands to his cheeks in horror. "You don't think the hag took her away into the Spirit World as punishment, do you?"

Something thumped towards them from the trees, making the ground beneath their feet—er, and paws and hooves—shake in a rather alarming manner. Then a large shadow descended over the clearing. "Nope. I'm right here."

All four animals glanced up to see a badgermole staring back at them.

"Toph?" Katara said cautiously.

"Who else?" the badgermole said with a grin, and then she slapped her hand—er, paw?—on the ground, making the earth judder and tremble again. "Wow, I can really feel the vibrations in this body. This is so cool!"

A few rocks tumbled free from the cliff face, nearly hitting Sokka in the head.

"Great," Sokka sighed, moving to the much safer position beside Zuko. "Toph gets to go into ultra Toph Smash mode, while the rest of us are like Team Fluffy Cute Pants. This is just embarrassing."

"It's not so bad," Aang said with a shrug. "At least I can still fly."

"Thank you for that input," Zuko responded dryly. "Despite the fact I'm currently the same size as my human hand right now, it's nice to know that I can comfort myself with the knowledge that you can still fly."

Aang cracked a very lemurish smile. "No problem."

Zuko and Sokka both face-palmed … or, at least, they tried to do so. Mostly they just sighed and raised their respective webbed foot or hoof in a vain attempt to reach their foreheads.

"Guys, we need to focus," Katara said, trying to steer the conversation back to more important matters. "Can anyone remember what that hag said before she turned us into animals?"

"I'm going home to cook roast beef?"

Everyone stared at Sokka.

"What?" he said with a defensive twitch of his ears. "I swear she did say that."

Katara shook her head. "Right. Well, aside from wanting to cook roast beef, I know she said something about the curse; I just can't remember the exact words now."

"I remember," Zuko said softly. "She said:

_Tooth and claw, heart and soul, _

_Become what you are underneath it all._

_Sun to moon, day to night,_

_So you shall suffer until this wrong is made right._"

There was a long silence once the prince had finished his recital. Then Sokka gasped as realisation dawned in his mind.

"Wait a minute!" he exclaimed. "Are you saying that this curse won't be reversed until Toph apologises to that ugly old hag?"

Katara frowned. "It does sound like that might be the case."

Sokka slumped to the ground, fluffy tail drooping. "We're going to be stuck like this forever, aren't we?"

They all looked at Toph, who was happily smashing the cliff to a pulp with her new bending powers. Then they just sighed. Yep, they were all doomed.


	2. Female Bonding

This was written for **azuremoon's** prompt at _Promptbending_, which was 'female bonding'. Not the Gaang this time, but I hope you like it all the same. ^_^

* * *

**Female Bonding**

Mai heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Remind me why we're doing this again?"

"Because Azula thought we would be the best for the job," Ty Lee responded promptly, and then lowered her voice in a conspiratorial manner. "It's the least we can do. She'll never say it aloud, but I think she's feeling quite stressed at the moment."

"I wonder why," the dark-haired girl said dryly.

Ty Lee frowned. "I think it's because she couldn't stop the Avatar, and then Zuko disappeared again, and—"

Mai rolled her eyes. "That was a rhetorical question, Ty Lee."

"Oh, right. I knew that."

They travelled in silence for a while—or, rather, Mai said nothing while Ty Lee chattered happily about cloud shapes, that cute boy with the ponytail, and what would be the best method to make Azula's aura a nice, happy pink. It was true that none of these subjects much appealed to Mai, who thought that clouds just looked like clouds, the boy with the ponytail was a loud-mouthed idiot, and auras were a pack of wishy-washy nonsense. But she still liked Ty Lee (though she'd never say it in so many words), and appreciated her friend's affectionate nature and optimism (again, not that she'd ever admit it aloud). So, instead of making another dry comment that she knew would just upset the perky brunette, she kept her mouth shut and tried not to think about how the animal she was riding smelt like fish mixed with something found under a rock.

Never mind, the smell of fishy horridness was pretty much impossible to ignore. Mai glared in subtle disgust at the creature Azula had given them to help track their quarry. Ugh, she was sure her clothes already reeked of the scent. Definitely would have to bathe once she got back to base, and maybe she'd see if any of those Fire Nation army cooks knew how to make those fruit tarts she liked. Mmm, fruit tarts.

"Hey!" Ty Lee exclaimed. "There's some white fur on the foliage. We're getting closer!"

Mai pursed her lips. "How delightful. We get to trek into the haven of dirt and bugs."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad."

A flat expression was all Ty Lee got in response.

"You know Azula would want us to keep going," the brunette pointed out, perhaps sensing that Mai was about to go into her stubborn, 'you can't make me' mode. "She said she was going to focus on the drill while we were to continue following the Avatar's trail."

"Right," Mai said with a hint of distaste. "The Avatar."

How she was beginning to loathe that name. She had thought that getting out of Omashu would be the best thing for her; she hadn't even asked Azula what the mission would entail, she was so determined to leave. But then she had discovered they were chasing Zuko and General Iroh (it still bothered her that Zuko had been labelled a traitor), and then the Avatar had come into the picture and things had just got worse. First her brother was kidnapped and got dragged into Azula's stupid games; then they were forced to follow the idiot kid and his bison all over the Earth Kingdom, with no rest or any of the usual comforts she enjoyed; then she got wet because of said bison (Mai hated getting wet), and now they were about to go into a thick expanse of bush that would probably leave her looking a wreck. And it was all because of the Avatar.

"Come on, Mai," Ty Lee cajoled, hopping down from her eel-hound and fixing her friend with a bright smile. "Just think how much you'll enjoy getting to use your knives again; we haven't had a good fight since we lost the Avatar in the desert."

Mai pondered this thought for a moment. She was itching for a rematch (especially after being defeated so humiliatingly the last time), but then she didn't much care for hiking, and she knew that there was no way they would be able to take the eel-hounds into the bush; the creatures were just too big.

"Fine," she said in her expressionless way, slipping down from the eel-hound's back. "Let's get this over with."

Ty Lee clapped her hands in delight, stating that she knew her friend would come around, and then pranced into the bush. Mai followed with much more reserve, occasionally giving unimpressed looks at the tree roots and thick, overhanging leaves getting in her way. It was annoying, but nothing she couldn't handle. Fifteen minutes more of this, however, and she had twigs stuck in her hair, a few cuts on her face and hands, and her boots were covered in animal dung, which she had accidentally stepped in when climbing over a fallen tree trunk.

"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" Mai said in an echo of her earlier words, shooting a dark look at her friend.

"Aw, don't be like that, Mai," Ty Lee responded, and then she held her arms out as if to embrace the world. "Think of this as a time of female bonding. Just us, the trees, and—"

Suddenly, the ground beneath their feet crumbled away with a rumbling sound, sending them both sliding down the now slippery slope and into a bog of muddy, foul-smelling water. Mai rolled off her friend and spat a bit of leaf out of her mouth, now drenched and dirtier than ever.

"Female bonding, huh?" she said, giving Ty Lee her most dour expression.

Ty lee gave a sheepish laugh. "Maybe it will lead to a shortcut."

Mai just closed her eyes. "Someone kill me now."


	3. A Manly Misunderstanding

This was written for **kaoru's** dare at Promptbending, which was to write something with a Zuko and Sokka bromance. I should warn that I wrote this while severely sleep deprived, so do point out if you see any typos, etc.

* * *

**A Manly Misunderstanding**

"This isn't working, Zuko. You're being too rough."

A faint grunt. "I am not being too rough!"

"Trust me, you're being too rough. You're dealing with a delicate instrument here. You have to use it lovingly, with each careful stroke b—"

"Alright, alright! I get it, Sokka!"

"And stop squeezing it so hard; it's not a butterfly-snake you need to strangle."

An exasperated sigh. "Are you going to let me finish this or not?"

"Hey, all I'm saying is that—"

The door was suddenly wrenched open and both boys started in surprise, stepping away from each other as they turned to see Suki and Toph standing on the threshold. The Kyoshi warrior rounded on Zuko, pointing an accusing finger at his face.

"You!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing with my boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Toph chimed in before he could respond, propping herself against the wall in a negligent pose. "What _are_ you doing with her boyfriend, Zuko?"

The prince blinked. "What?"

"Don't play dumb!" Suki snapped.

A crease formed on his brow. "I'm not …"

But Suki wasn't listening and had already moved onto her next victim. "And you! How could you do this to me! I mean _Zuko_. Really?"

Sokka rubbed the base of his neck and shared a puzzled glance with the prince, who just shrugged as if to say that he didn't know why Suki had gone crazy either. Frowning, Sokka stared back at his girlfriend.

"Uh, am I missing something here? What have you got against Zuko, and what am I supposed to have done that's so bad?"

Toph grinned. "Oh, this is going to be good."

Suki clenched her hands into fists. "I can't believe you! We heard the whole thing! Toph could even feel what you were doing!"

"I was just teaching Zuko how to carve like the way we do it in the Southern Water Tribe."

Suki let out a derisive snort of laughter. "Oh, is that what they're calling it now?"

Sokka scratched his head. "What else would they call it?"

But once again Suki wasn't listening and instead went into a long rant about respect, trust, and why it was important to be faithful to one's lover—especially when said lover was a warrior with the skills to kick his butt so hard he would kiss the moon.

"And, really, I don't know why you bothered with him," Suki continued, folding her arms under her breasts and glaring at Zuko. "From the sounds of things, he's completely useless at giving anyone pleasure. Too heavy-handed by far."

"Wait, _what_?" Zuko spluttered, looking both embarrassed and confused. "Just what are you trying to say?"

"Here it comes," Toph murmured, her grin widening.

"I know that you two have been seeing each other behind my back! In fact, I bet if we hadn't come in right then, Prince Jerkface over there would still have his hands down your pants!"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Sokka exclaimed, making a halting motion with his hands. "Stop the canoe. Did you just say what I think you did?"

Suki glowered at him and tapped her foot on the floor. Her silence was affirmation enough. The boys exchanged a startled glance and then blushed, taking a few more steps away from each other as they both made frantic gestures and assured her that she had got it all wrong.

"_All_ wrong," Zuko repeated with much emphasis.

Toph made a show of yawning. "They're lying."

"_What?" _the boys cried in unison.

"Is this true?" Suki demanded.

"No!" Sokka wailed, clutching at his hair and looking like he was about to start crying in frustration.

"No!" Zuko echoed, throwing a nasty glare at the earthbender. "Toph is the liar. Believe me, I do not like Sokka in that way. I'd rather be eaten by a giant sea monster and then die a slow and painful death as I am gradually decomposed by said creature's stomach acids than touch Sokka in that way."

"Hey!" Sokka said defensively. "I'm not that bad."

"Yeah, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you really are. You snore, you talk too much, you think you're always right—"

"Well, at least _I'm_ not a heavy-handed jerk!" Sokka interjected, looking a bit red in the face. "And I can actually tell a joke. What can you do? Tell a punch line!"

Zuko looked a little bit hurt, which wasn't helped by the fact that Toph chose that moment to say "Burn" in her commentator's voice, and with much glee. Sokka seemed to realise that he had gone too far as well and placed a hand on the prince's shoulder.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Sokka said in a more serious tone. "That was a low blow. Your jokes are funny."

"Really?" Zuko asked with a renewal of hope.

"Sure. 'Leaf me alone, I'm bushed' gets me every time."

The prince gave a lopsided smile, which Sokka returned with a broad grin of his own.

"Oh, for spirit's sake," Suki muttered, rolling her eyes. "It's like we don't even exist anymore."

Toph nodded sagely. "I told you that they had a thing together."

That did get the boys' attention.

"For the last time, we're not gay!" Zuko exploded, and then pointed to a lumpy looking bit of wood on the table. "Look, there is the boat that Sokka was trying to teach me how to carve."

Suki raised an eyebrow. "You call that a boat?"

"I think it looks great," Toph commented.

"Thank you! At least someone—" Zuko paused, then glared at the earthbender. "That wasn't funny."

She grinned. "Yeah, it was."

Sokka patted his friend on the shoulder. "Don't worry. You'll get used to it."

Zuko just heaved a sigh. Next time he thought he'd just pass on those carving lessons.


	4. Zuko's Dilemma

This was written for the 'Avatar Pants' challenge over at Promptbending. The idea was to pick one of the modified AtLA/LoK quotes from the game thread and turn it into a story. The quote I picked was actually one of my own submissions (post#41): **Zuko:** _**"We need pants, not tea."**_ The real quote ("We need food, not tea") was taken from the episode 'The Cave of Two Lovers'.

If you'd like to learn more about the challenge (or Promptbending in general), you can find a link to the forum on my profile. ^_^

* * *

**Zuko's Dilemma**

Zuko was not happy. This wasn't exactly a rare occurrence for the prince, but for once his bad temper had nothing to do with Avatars, his banishment, or the fact that he was currently wandering the Earth Kingdom as a poor refugee. No, today his frustration had only one source, and that was the bearded old man next to him.

"This is all your fault, Uncle!" he snapped, curling his hands into fists. "If you had just listened to me in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"How was I supposed to know the tea would be drugged?" Iroh responded mildly. "Huā had seemed like such a sweet little thing, and she and her father had been kind enough to give us shelter in their wagon during the storm."

"Yes," Zuko gritted out bitterly, "and then they drugged us and stole all of our belongings, including our ostrich-horse."

"Ah, you are only focussing on the negatives. Even you have to admit that the tea was excellent, and at least they didn't slit our throats while we were unconscious."

Zuko closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Thank you, Uncle. Now when I think about the fact that we lost our only means of transportation—not to mention our _clothes_—at least I can comfort myself with the fact that they didn't kill us as well."

Iroh smiled. "I knew you would come around."

The prince just growled in frustration and stomped ahead, wincing every now and then as the soles of his bare feet connected with the sharp stones littering the road. If he had thought that he had reached an impossible low when he had first tried on his peasant's attire and seen how, well, _peasantish_ he looked, he had to be somewhere in the pits of ultimate shame right now. No boots, no swords, no tunic, and—

"What I wouldn't give for some ginger tea right now," Iroh sighed. "I still feel a little woozy from whatever it was Huā put in our drinks."

"We need pants, not tea!"

Iroh glanced down at the brown loincloth wrapped around his nether regions, which was the only thing he was wearing. "Pants would be nice," he admitted, and then he gave a broad grin. "But I still wouldn't say no to a hot cup of ginger tea."

Zuko made an exasperated noise and threw his hands up in the air, indicating that he washed his hands clean of the old man. He gave up. He really did. In fact, if he heard one more word about tea he was going to be sick—which was already a possibility considering he was stuck looking at his uncle wearing a loincloth. Let it be known that a chubby, wrinkly man wearing only a small amount of fabric for clothes was _not_ a pretty sight.

"Stupid old man," Zuko muttered, quickening his pace. "Everything always has to be about tea with him, and look where his infernal obsession got us! Pantless in the middle of nowhere!"

It was something that Zuko could not forgive, for he had also not been able to escape the stripping process and was now similarly attired to his uncle, though his loincloth was green. The prince had never felt so humiliated. He had never felt so furious. He had never felt so—

"No," Zuko groaned, coming to a halt.

Iroh frowned. "Why have you stopped, Nephew? Did you see something?"

Wordlessly, Zuko pointed to where a familiar woman riding a shirshu could be seen making her way towards them. The prince saw the smile that curved her full lips when she recognised them, and he felt his cheeks warm in a hot blush. He was not surprised when she slowed right down until she was barring their way. June had always delighted in tormenting him.

"Well, well, well," the bounty hunter drawled in her husky voice, still with that disquieting smile playing on her lips, "if it isn't Prince Pouty and his creepy grandfather."

"Uncle, actually," Iroh interposed, as if this would make him more appealing to the younger woman. "And I must say that it is a pleasure to see y—"

"Whatever," June said dismissively, and then her eyes fixed back on Zuko. "What's the matter, Pouty? Lose your girlfriend and your clothes this time?"

"The waterbender is not my girlfriend!" Zuko snapped, clenching his hands into fists. "And I didn't lose my clothes; I just—"

"Decided to take a stroll in your undergarments?" June suggested, and her dark eyes drifted down his exposed body, lingering on the area where the green fabric covered. "Well, at least the view has improved this time."

"I—what?" he spluttered, cheeks flushed.

Her smile widened a fraction, but she said nothing and simply shifted her attention to Iroh. It must be noted that her gaze did not stray from his face. "So, old man, since Prince Pouty here is currently incapable of speech, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Iroh's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Very well. It all started when—"

"We don't have time for this!" Zuko snarled, finding his voice again. "Uncle, we have to keep moving if we want to catch up with those thieves." He threw a glare at June. "Unless you actually plan on making yourself useful, bounty hunter, I suggest you clear off so that we can carry on our way."

June's eyes narrowed and she slipped off the shirshu and came to stand in front of the prince, getting right up in his space. Zuko didn't budge, though he was frustratingly conscious of the disparity in their clothing. It was difficult to feel intimidating when you were only wearing a loincloth while the other was dressed in leathers and holding a whip. Especially when the other was an attractive female.

"Word from the wise, Pouty," June said in a dangerously silky voice. "You might be a prince, but that title means nothing now that you're a wanted man by the Fire Nation, and it means even less to me. I take orders from no one."

Zuko's chin jutted, and he opened his mouth to make what was no doubt going to be a very rude response when Iroh got there before him.

"You are absolutely right, June," Iroh said in a placating voice, "and we would not dream of ordering you to do anything." He gave her his most charming smile. "Though if you were kind enough to assist two old friends with your skills—of your own choice, of course—it would certainly be much appreciated."

June stared at them with a measuring look and then folded her arms. "Show me the colour of your money and then we might talk."

Zuko let out a huff of frustration. "You know we don't have any money! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if we still had money!"

She gave a careless shrug. "Then I guess you'll stay pantless and I'll keep enjoying my earnings."

"Wait!" Iroh cried, before she could turn to leave. "We can't pay you now, but we will be able to pay you later. Isn't that right, Nephew?"

Zuko blinked as he thought of their meagre collection of copper and silver pieces. "Uh, sure."

June raised one finely arched eyebrow. It was obvious that she didn't believe them.

"All we're asking is that you take us to the thieves who stole our belongings," Iroh continued, ignoring her scepticism. "The wagon can't have got too far ahead, and—"

"Or I could just collect the bounty on your heads," June suggested. "That would get me my money."

Zuko and Iroh exchanged an uneasy glance. It had suddenly occurred to both that capturing them might be the very reason for why June was even travelling on this road. She had no allegiance to any nation—only to the highest bidder for her services. Right now, Zuko and Iroh were far from the highest bidders.

"Don't look so pale," June said with a laugh. "You didn't think I'd really turn in my favourite royal clients, did you? Who would I go to for my entertainment?"

Zuko's mouth twisted into a scowl and he shoved past her, fuming at the fact that she had dared to make a mockery of him. _Again_. "Forget this, Uncle. It's obvious that she's not going to help. Let's just go."

June smiled lazily. "Wait."

The prince paused, gritting his teeth.

"You know, it just occurred to me that I still owe you a favour for the abbey incident."

Gold eyes locked with brown. "Just what are you saying?"

"I'll help you with your pants problem." Her gaze flickered to Iroh. "Anything to make Uncle Lazy over there put some clothes on."

Iroh chuckled heartily, taking no offence at this statement. Zuko just glowered.

"How can we know that we can trust you?" he demanded, folding his arms across his chest.

She leapt back onto Nyla and stared down at him with an amused glint in her eyes. "You can't, of course, but then you don't have much of a choice unless you want to try catch up to that wagon on your own."

Zuko sighed in resignation and jumped up to sit behind her on the saddle. Iroh soon joined them, taking the seat behind the prince.

"Better hold on, Pouty," June taunted. "We wouldn't want you to lose anything else now, would we?"

Zuko was about to respond when she cracked her whip down with a snap, making the shirshu jolt into action and Zuko grip her waist with a gasp as he was almost unseated from the motion. His cheeks warmed as he heard the bounty hunter's laughter echo in his ears.

This just really wasn't turning out to be his day.


	5. There's Just One Problem

I think I might as well just say that _**Promptbending**_ has become the source of my crackfic addiction. You have** Advocaat **to thank for this one, who suggested gender swap when I bemoaned having no fic ideas. So a gender swapping we go!

Oh, and I should warn that I wrote this while severely sleep-deprived, so do let me know if you see any typos, etc.

* * *

**There's Just One Problem**

Zuko groaned and rolled over in the bed. His head was pounding in a dull tattoo, and he made a blind grab for the blanket to pull it up over his face, only to pause as his hand came into contact with something solid and warm. Something that felt disturbingly like a naked—

His eyes snapped open, catching a glimpse of a sweaty male chest and—and he was going to be sick. Zuko ducked over the side of the bed and retched up the contents of his stomach, still making little moans of horror as he grabbed fistfuls of dark hair to stop the strands from getting caught in the foul-smelling stuff. This was not happening. This was _so_ not happening.

He chanced a glance over his shoulder, but the sweaty naked man was still there. All colour drained from his cheeks, and then he was back to retching. Sweet spirits, this was really happening. This was really, really happening!

_Just breathe_, he told himself, wiping the bile from his mouth. _Breathe_. _There has to be a rational explanation for this._

Because there was no way in hell that he had—he had—

An arm looped around his waist. "Hey there, beautiful," a man's voice murmured near his ear. "I didn't think you'd stay till morning."

Zuko froze. His eyes widened in alarm at the feeling of that sweaty body brushing against his back, and he could feel a big meaty hand gripping his hip, and—and—

A split second later the man was flipped onto the floor and Zuko was standing over him, breathing hard. "Don't touch me!" the prince growled.

Except his voice didn't come out quite how he had expected. Instead of a low male rasp, it was more of a low female rasp. A rather familiar rasp, which had often taunted him and called him ridiculous names, ranging from 'Angry Boy' to 'Prince Pouty', and which just last night had mocked him for refusing to drink anything alcoholic and, in general, behaving like a stick-up-the-arse killjoy (translation: responsible person). That was when Zuko noticed that his black hair was a lot longer than it should be—and that there were two rather distracting mounds of flesh getting in the way of his vision. He gave one an experimental prod.

"Spirits," he breathed, grasping hold of both bouncy mounds and weighing them with his hands. "They're actually real."

The naked man sprawled on the floor let his mouth drop open. It was obvious that he was confused by the prince's behaviour. Zuko also started to get a wriggly, awful feeling in his stomach, because it was finally beginning to sink in that he was holding boobs. Real boobs. And they were stuck to his chest—his very _feminine_ chest. He also noticed that there was a rather important part of his anatomy missing between his legs.

Zuko locked eyes with the naked man. A man who was burly and tattooed, and who looked a lot like that thick-skulled mercenary who had been flirting with a rather drunk bounty hunter last night. Naked man blinked. Zuko's stomach did the wriggly thing again.

"No," he muttered, stumbling over to the bathroom where he knew he would find a mirror. "No, no, no!"

Zuko leaned his hands against the sink and stared at his reflection. A woman with brown eyes and full, kissable lips stared back at him. A damn _woman_.

That was when Prince Zuko screamed.

**oOo**

"Uncle!"

He barged into the room with a dramatic fling of the door, standing on the threshold with his—June's—gah, whatever!—hair in a mess around his face, and wearing nothing but a hastily thrown on tunic that he wasn't even sure was hers. This didn't seem to bother his uncle, however, who set down his tea with an unnerving smile; the one that he used on old ladies when he wanted to charm them into giving him an extra cup of tea for free. Zuko barely repressed a shudder.

"Ah, June," Iroh said, standing up and walking towards Zuko with an appreciative glint in his eyes. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Enough of that!" Zuko snapped. "Uncle, it's me!"

Iroh's brow creased. "Are you feeling alright, June?"

"No!" Zuko wailed, clutching at his hair. "Aren't you listening to me? I'm trying to tell you that—"

"I know what you need!" Iroh interrupted, raising his finger to the air. "A nice cup of calming jasmine tea."

"I don't need any calming tea!" Zuko yelled. "I just need you to shut up and listen to me for a moment!"

Iroh blinked. Zuko glared. Suddenly, something shifted in those amber irises, even as the old man paled and leaned forward, staring into Zuko's eyes as if searching for the other's soul.

"Nephew?" Iroh said in disbelief.

Just in that moment the bathroom door slammed open and a bare-chested boy with messy dark hair strode into the room. "What the hell is going on?" Zuko-who-was-not-Zuko demanded.

"You tell me!" Zuko retorted, pushing past his uncle and clenching his hands into fists. "I wake up this morning to find I'm naked in bed with some sweaty gross man, and I'm in your body, and—" but at this point he got quite choked up on his feelings and could only wave his hands angrily. "Just give me my body back!"

June folded her arms, popping her hip out in a very feminine gesture. "Well, I'd love to, Prince Pouty, but there's just one problem. I don't know how we got like this in the first place."

Iroh stared from one to the other, then he just shook his head. "I think I need to sit down," he observed.

Neither paid attention to this interruption. Instead, Zuko got right up in June's space, breathing so hard in his anger that if he were still able to firebend, he would have been snorting fire. Vaguely, it occurred to him that they were the same height.

"Look," he growled, poking her in the chest. "I am not staying in this body. I don't care if you don't know how it happened; just fix it!"

"_You_ fix it!" she responded, poking him right back. "It's obvious this is your fault."

"My fault?"

She gave a blasé shrug. "Hey, I was just enjoying a nice, relaxing evening with some alcohol and a man who was willing to lavish all of his attention on me. I certainly never asked to get stuck in a teenage brat's body."

Zuko's mouth twisted into a scowl. "Well, I never asked to get stuck in some—some—"

Her one good eyebrow lifted. "Some what?"

The prince, whose mind had decided to kindly remind him of what his current body looked like without clothes, could only let out another of his frustrated little growls, even as his cheeks flooded with pink. "Look, I didn't ask for this either, alright?"

June's eyes glinted with humour, as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. Zuko felt his cheeks burn even hotter. This was so unfair.

Iroh stroked his beard. "It seems like the two of you have become victims to a spirit's act of mischief. This is going to make things difficult."

"What do you mean, Uncle?" Zuko asked, turning to face the older man.

"Well, unless you can find the spirit and ask it to change you back to your original selves—which neither of you can, since only the Avatar can communicate with the spirits—I'm afraid the only way to reverse the magic is to figure out the counter spell." He shook his head. "And that could be anything."

The colour faded from Zuko's cheeks. "Are you telling me that we're stuck like this?"

Iroh held his hands out in a placating gesture. "Of course not. I'm just saying that you will either need to request the Avatar's help with the spirits or perform the specific action that was designed to break whatever spell has been placed on you." He picked up his cup of tea. "You might want to hurry as well. These things become permanent after a while."

Zuko straightened to his full height. "We don't have time to find the Avatar. We'll just have to figure out this counter spell and reverse the magic ourselves."

June tapped her foot. "And how do you plan to do that?"

He glared at her. "I don't know! All I know is that I refuse to be stuck in this body any longer, so you are going to help me figure out the counter spell, or I swear I will—"

The prince broke off as a cup of steaming tea was thrust before his nose.

"What is this?" he demanded, gazing at his uncle. "Do you think it will help us switch back?"

"Well, no," Iroh admitted with a twinkle in his eyes. "I just thought you looked like you needed it."

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. Spirits grant him patience, or at least an uncle who wasn't so obsessed with tea.

June leaned against the wall, watching the two with an air of faint amusement. "So, what's the plan?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest. "Are we going to sit here drinking tea all morning or are we actually going to try breaking this spell? I don't have all day, you know."

"Right," Zuko said, dropping his hand back to his side and turning to face the woman currently inhabiting his body. "I think I have an idea for how we might be able to switch back."

"Keep talking."

"We've switched bodies, right?"

June heaved a sigh. "No, really? And here I thought I always wake up in the morning with a scar on my face and a man's pe—"

"I think we get the picture," Zuko said hastily, blushing to the tips of his ears. "Anyway, I figured that maybe if we run into each other hard enough, we might be able to force ourselves back into the right bodies."

She stared at him blankly, but Zuko knew it was the 'You Can't Be Serious' expression, because he made it all the time when his uncle tried to flirt with younger women. It was kind of surreal to be on the receiving end of it now.

"What?" he said defensively, folding his arms. "It might work."

June rolled her eyes. "Hate to break it to you, Pouty, but I am not going to have a head-on collision with you on the off-chance that it might jolt my consciousness back into my body. If you've heard the legends, you would know that spirit magic doesn't work that way."

"But—"

"In fact, I have a much better idea," she continued, advancing towards him.

Zuko frowned. "What's tha—ah!"

A hand gripped his tunic and tugged him in for a kiss. Zuko's eyes widened as he stared at the scarred teen pressing his mouth all up against his. That was his face. Spirits, he was kissing himself, and this was so weird, and—

June fisted a hand in his hair, and Zuko made a muffled sound as she deepened the kiss. Tongue. There was a tongue in his mouth, and it was _his_ tongue, and this was just so, so wrong. And his hands really should not be gripping her—his?—shoulders right now. And he most definitely should not be kissing her back, or making those noises, or—

A jolt surged through him, like lightning caressing his spine that then spread out in tendrils of shocks throughout his body. He gasped into the kiss, feeling his skin tingle and hum with energy, and then it all stopped. When Zuko opened his eyes again, he had one hand gripping a fistful of dark hair and his mouth pressed against full, kissable lips. Said kissable lips then curved into a smile, and the woman pulled away from him, tugging on his bottom lip with her teeth as she did so.

"Told you my plan was better," June said in a silky taunt, her brown eyes glittering with amusement.

Zuko blinked. Then he blinked some more. Then he just opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

June patted him on the cheek. "You can thank me later."

The prince blushed and watched as June took her leave, declaring to the room at large that she'd had enough of spirit magic for one day and had a bounty to catch. Once she had shut the door behind her, Zuko let out a deep breath.

"Uncle?"

Iroh gazed at the teen. "Yes, Nephew?"

"I think I'd like some of that calming tea now."


	6. An Informal Introduction

This is dedicated to the lovely **ShoeNinja** for being my 500th reviewer for _The Undying Fire_. You asked for Urzai, a 'practical joke' theme, and humour. I have tried to deliver. Needless to say, I am ignoring any 'canon' that has arisen from the comics.

* * *

**An Informal Introduction**

It was just a practical joke. Or at least that was what the noble girls told Ursa after ensuring that she fell into one of the ponds, leaving her drenched and red with humiliation. She had opened her mouth to retort—to put the stuck-up city girls in their place once and for all—but the words got caught in her throat. Instead, she felt the horrifying sting of tears burning her eyes. This was just one cruel trick too many.

Desperate to save some of her dignity, she picked up her wet skirts and made a retreat for one of the rooms adjoining the garden. Her tormentors' laughter followed her like a mocking shadow, and it was with relief when she finally pushed aside the doors and escaped the prying eyes of the other guests. At least, she had thought she was alone until she tripped over something and landed on a man's lap, hands splayed on his chest.

"I am so sorry," Ursa began in a flustered voice, and then she froze.

She had finally raised her eyes to look at the man's face, and what she saw made the colour drain from her cheeks. His black hair was long and pulled into a half-topknot to allow the flame-like hairpiece to rest on his head; his features were angular and exceedingly handsome, drawing attention to a pair of rather piercing gold eyes. She didn't much care for the thin beard he was sporting, but there was still no mistaking him. She had fallen on top of the Fire Lord's younger son.

"P-Prince Ozai!" she stammered, trying to scramble off him yet only succeeding in stumbling again.

Hands clutched at her waist, steadying her so that she did not fall. Ursa let out a shaky breath, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks as she met his intimidating gaze. Spirits, she was getting water all over him, and here she was just a country nobody—even if she was Avatar Roku's granddaughter. People were probably killed for less.

Ozai's mouth curved into a faint smile. "You're very clumsy, you know that?" he observed, releasing her waist.

Ursa's cheeks went from red to a deep plum. "I-I'm not normally—I mean, I just, uh—" She swallowed and lowered herself to her knees, bowing her head as was customary. "It was an accident."

"So I gathered," he responded evenly, standing up from his chair so that he was towering over her. "However, that doesn't explain why you are wet or why you chose to run into this booth in the first place."

Ursa lowered her head even further. "It's a long story, Prince Ozai. Nothing that would interest you."

"Try me."

She risked a glance up and saw that he was staring straight at her, his gold eyes glinting with curiosity. Nothing could be more awkward than to be drenched from head to foot and have the full attention of Prince Ozai; especially when she considered that the whole reason she was wet was because the other noble girls did not like the 'new, country girl' whose bloodline was better than theirs, and (according to gossip) whose beauty had caught the eye of more than one highly eligible bachelor.

Ursa bit her lip and lowered her gaze back to the hem of his robe. "It was just a silly prank. It happens when one is new to the capital."

Ozai's mouth twitched. "That is not such a long story."

"I do not wish to bore you with my problems, Prince Ozai."

He laughed lightly, and as she risked another glance up at him, she couldn't help but wonder why he had been hiding in the booth. For now that she thought about it, the prince should have been out there celebrating with his brother—not cooped up in this little room with only a drink and a bedraggled girl for company. Perhaps he had also not been enjoying the festival.

Ozai held out his hand to her, giving her no choice but to accept and let him raise her back to her feet. "What is your name, woman?" he asked, meeting her gaze with those intense gold eyes.

"My name is Ursa, Prince Ozai. Daughter of Jinzuk and Rina."

"Ursa," he repeated softly. "I will remember that."

Her heart gave an odd flutter in her chest, and then he was releasing her hand and walking through the doors, leaving her alone in the booth. Ursa stared after his retreating figure, struggling to make sense of what had just happened and the tangled mixture of feelings burning inside her.

When she left the booth, she could still feel the imprint of his hand clasping hers.

* * *

Phew, finally got this one finished. I actually started this intending it to be a really awkward 'hey, I like you' conversation on Ozai's part (because Azula and Zuko had to get it from somewhere), but somehow it turned into this instead. Hopefully, you liked it anyway. ^_^


End file.
